he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
