In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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