Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
