that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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