I think i peed on brittanys purse
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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