You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
