I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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