Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
