If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
