its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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