I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
