you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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