My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
