Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
