Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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