i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
