umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we made out on top of his cat.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
