im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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