hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
