Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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