oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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