For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
