why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
