i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
