hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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