I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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