im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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