sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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