just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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