Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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