i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
