Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
