Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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