Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
