When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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