would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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