Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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