First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
