....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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