I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
