I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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