I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
