Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
