How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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