new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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