the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
