3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
