If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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