wake up i wanna do it froggy style
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
