She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
