Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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