Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
