I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
