according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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