Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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