I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You took a bar mat shot.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
