How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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