It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
