Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
