my text book just quoted the cookie monster
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize