I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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