Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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