She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
