so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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